Building positive relationships with
your students will be one of the most powerful elements in your bag of teaching
tools and tricks. But how can developing
relationships with your students elicit more student success than professional
development, individualized instruction, and collaborative learning?
It’s really quite simple…students will perform better when
they know that you genuinely value them as individuals. Think about it, as an
adult. If you reflect upon the people
you are willing to go the extra mile for, they are probably those who
demonstrate an interest in you, as a human being. They are the people who truly listen to you, celebrate
you, and understand that the mistakes you will make will also allow you to grow.
According to John Hattie (2012), the “essence
of positive relationships is the student seeing the warmth, feeling the
encouragement and the teacher’s high expectations, and knowing that the teacher
understands him or her.”
When positive teacher student
relationships are built and fostered, students instinctively want to please
their teachers. So how can you develop
these relationships with all of your students?
*Be
physically and mentally present- It is easy to be physically present, as that
is our job, but we must be mindful of our students’ needs. First, it is imperative that we truly listen when
our students speak to us. We can learn
so much about our young learners when they ask questions, talk about their
families, and explain the recent conflict they are having with their peers. Mindful listening may reveal personal issues
which lend to a lack of focus in their home, their greatest fears and accomplishments,
academic successes and struggles, or even their latest crush. And it is important to understand that, for some
of our students, we may be the only person who will truly listen to them.
In addition, we must also understand the
importance of being aware of our students’ body language and behaviors, which
may also provide us valuable information. Students who are laughing and smiling more
than usual may have something to celebrate with you, while a student who has
his head down and will not make eye contact may need your support in a very
different manner.
*Show
empathy- Do your best to always step into your students’ shoes and let them
know that you understand their perspectives.
Modeling empathy and connecting with students by looking beyond your own
viewpoint will elicit a strong classroom community based on trust and
respect.
*Celebrate your students- “I love how
you used academic language in your speaking!” “It is so exciting to see Take
every opportunity to celebrate your students in various ways. Human nature dictates that when we feel good,
our confidence level increases, and we want to perform even better. Yes, it’s that simple! Praise your students and they will perform.
*Give them your time- Teach your
students, listen to your students, and play with your students. It is important to provide your students with
a variety of your time. You are much
more likely to receive “buy in” from your students when they know that you are
available for them in multiple ways. Let
your students know that you are willing to listen to them and help them solve
their problems. Also, be sure to play
with them out at recess, or reward them with some game time. Not only will your students love playing with
you, but I guarantee that you will have the well-deserved brain break you need,
as a hard-working teacher. Seriously, it
is so much fun building relationships through playtime!
*Hold them accountable- Love your
students by holding them accountable, both academically and socially. By setting and maintaining high expectations
of your students, they will come to understand that you believe in them and are
willing to go the extra mile to see them succeed. Use strategies such as goal-setting that
allow them to measure their success, and will allow you to hold them accountable. Sometimes, if students do not meet the
expectations you set, you may need to enforce consequences, such as missing out
on a fun activity, having a difficult conversation about why they did not meet
their goal(s), or making a student write an apology letter. Whatever the consequence is, you must stand
your ground and let them know that, because you believe in them, you must hold
them accountable for being the best individuals they can be.
*Let students make mistakes- It is
important for youngsters to make mistakes, so that they can learn how to right
their wrongs and do better in the future.
Instead of becoming too frustrated with a student who makes a mistake,
let them know that we all make mistakes, and that it is how we handle a
situation in the future that shows our growth.
Support your students by being a role model who demonstrates appropriate
strategies in social situations.
Whenever you make a mistake, take ownership and explain why what you did
was wrong. For example, the other day
while I was in a training, my students had to deal with a substitute teacher
which, let’s just say, wasn’t ready to take on a classroom full of 6th
graders. Based on this substitute’s
behavior towards some of my students, I had to gather evidence from my students
and provide the information to our secretary.
In the midst of collecting the information, I became frustrated that my
students had needed to deal with such a “miserable human being”, and I said so
out loud. I was mortified! It was one of those moments where you just
want to catch the words as they are spilling out of your mouth and insert them
back in as quickly as possible. I was ashamed
that I was so insensitive, as I truly had no idea what was going on in this
gentleman’s life, and I was downright cruel.
I apologized to the substitute (sending it out into the universe) and I
also apologized to my students for saying such a horrid thing about someone who
wasn’t even around to defend himself. In
admitting my wrongdoing and explaining to my students that my emotions had gotten
the best of me, they were able to witness an adult make a mistake and learn
from it, which is so powerful.
*It’s often the small things that make the biggest impact- Small gestures matter, so play some music during independent learning
time (classical works wonders), nod your head and smile when you see them doing
an awesome job, pat them on the back as you walk by to acknowledge their
importance, write a positive comment on their work, give them an extra 5
minutes of your time to tell you about their exciting news, write them a kind
note, trust them, and remember just how complicated and challenging growing up
was.
Use these free Teacher-to-Student
Love Notes to show your students that you care. I like to write 5-10 love notes a week to my
students, and I track who I have given them to.
This ensures that every student is gifted with a love note. Many of my students keep their notes in the
window of their binders, so I know that they are meaningful to them. ©
*Let them into your world- Your students
want to know you, just like you want to know them. Share your family and friends with them
through stories, pictures and maybe even the occasional visit from a loved
one. My son and daughter have had the
opportunity to visit my classroom a couple of times, and they love it just as
much as my students do. And, of course,
I always turn it into a learning experience in some manner. Last time, I allowed my students to interview
my son, who just started his first year at our local university. This got my students thinking, speaking, and
writing, all while getting to know a little more about my world.
Share your mistakes, and how you amend
them, so that they understand that you are human, but that you take care of
your problems. It is also important that
you share your emotions with your students.
Let them know that you also feel elated, frustrated, or even confused at
times. When you communicate how you are feeling with your students, they will recognize
that you trust them and demonstrate a greater respect toward you.
Developing trusting and respectful
relationships with my students has made a positive impact on student learning
and behaviors. Although it is never going to be perfect, these few strategies
have the power to positively transform your classroom community. I would love to hear some of the successes
you and your students have experienced in your classroom!
Hattie, J. Visible Learning for
Teachers: Maximizing Impact on Learning (2012)
